Friday, February 18, 2005

That guy's, like, totally gay!

I'm really enjoying this Guckert/Gannon thing. Evidence of the Bush administration's incompetence is commonplace, but when a gem like this comes to light it makes me smile.

Because I have a minute, and because I think I'm really funny, I'd like to imagine that this isn't incompetence, just for a minute. I'd like to imagine that this wasn't a lapse in the Bush administration's vetting process, but rather that this is actually the stereotype of its members. It starts out well enough:

Loves guns. NRA member. SUV driver. Likes to play at being outspoken. Talks the talk.

But then, of course, there's the whole, "likes to post pictures of himself naked and solicit homosexual sex" part. (This is where I start to giggle.) And not just a little, but he actually has or had multiple Web sites devoted to this pursuit. (More here.)

So, during the workday he's all about guns and god, maybe even enjoys spouting homophobic comments around the cooler, perhaps has even beaten up a fag or two, just for show. But down deep it's man-on-man action that gives him wood.

This makes the concept of a vice president or senator with homosexual offspring actively pursuing a constitutional ammendment to prohibit gay marriage a lot easier to digest. It all kinda' makes sense.

Ha ha ha. That's just a little bit of whimsy. Chuckle chuckle. Of course I'm not suggesting that Dick Cheney or Alan Keys surf gay porn at night. Or that most of the guys that you see drivng SUVs or monster trucks with gun racks are latent homosexuals.

That would be absurd.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

It's Just a Blob of Fat

"Rejecting criticism the penalties will stifle free
speech and homogenize radio and TV broadcasts, bill
supporters said stiff fines were needed to give
deep-pocketed broadcasters more incentive to clean
up their programs and to help assure parents that
their children won't be exposed to inappropriate material."

Pretty much the first thing any of us is likely to be aware of when we enter this crazy world is a tit. And the tit remains a major focal point of most children for a good while. Why is it then that a tit, just a few years later, can become such a threat to the little chilldren everywhere? And just an image of one from quite a ways away at that? It doesn't even have to be in the same room.

Is it the edge of a slippery slope? Does the progression start with a single exposed nipple and slide inexorably to the basement floor of public morality where leather-clad politicians roll around with transexual bread-boffers in a bacchanalian free-for-all with prancing livestock and Freudian implications?

I think not.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting for a moment that deep-pocketed broadcasters don't need to clean up their programs. Only the cleansing I'd like to see would involve flushing the infinitely-regurgitated sludge that spews from so many stations in a relentless deluge of bad acting, crap concepts, and inane dialogue surrounded by condescending commercials that insult the intelligence as they attempt to force-feed even more regurgitated crap down the oblivious gullets of the TV viewing population. Seriously. How so many people can sit happily as a fire-hose of shit is opened wide and directed right at them is beyond me. But the guys that produce the shit are the criminals; their customers are simply victims.

But do we need our representatives working on this? Is this maybe what dipshits and dumbasses do when they can't resolve the cognitive-dissonance that results from professing a love of freedom while auctioning off civil liberties to the group with the most influential lobbyists?

Never mind that we have seen nearly 1500 Americans die (and counting) for a poorly conceived lie. And also do not think about the people wounded that are more than ten times as numerous. Try not to consider, as well, that when the word "wounded" is used in this context it means "lost a leg or two" or "can no longer see" or "must eat through a tube" or "shits into a bag taped to the thigh from now on" because the guys that only need a bandage aren't counted as wounded, they're patched up and sent back to try again. No, that's not important. Preventing people from seeing a tit, now that's legislation that shines. The measure passed 389-38.

Thanks, assholes.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

I've nearly got this down