Wednesday, February 15, 2006

A Simple Formula

The Bush Administration + weapons = madcap hijinks and hilarity!

They're such cut-ups. They keep everyone in stitches. They make Homer Simpson seem thoughtful. They make the Three Stooges seem methodical. They make Joseph Stalin seem like their hero. It's a riot!

Here's what I want to see: take Saddam Hussein out of jail and give him his own show. I'm not kidding. I'm talking about Comedy Gold here. This would be the reality TV show of all time. Here's the opening scene:

Saddam sits on a ratty couch wearing a stained wife beater with a Bud tall in one hand, the remote in the other, and a bowl of pork rinds in his lap. The camera is behind the TV, his angry and confused mug staring straight into it as reruns of the Jeffersons play. In walks someone who looks like a cross between Opie from the Andy Griffith Show and Alfred E. Newman. He stands just behind the couch and says: "Hey Saddam, have you seen my uranium enrichment tubes anywhere?"

Saddam doesn't say a word, just shifts to one side and rips a fart so loud that the Elvis collector plates rattle on the wall behind.

"Damn dude. Is that how you gassed the Kurds?" Says the goofy guy with the ears.

Canned laughter goes full tilt as the music and the opening credits come up. The music sounds like part Benny Hill, part Britney Spears with a fast, staccato trumpet line and a heavily studio processed, husky female voice singing "It's the Dubya and Bubba Show!"

Alternatively, if Saddam isn't available for the part, Dick Cheney could play it. They're practically the same guy, anywayz.

I'm telling you: Comedy Gold!

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